Howdy Mark,

Very cool! I like being able to have the notes (your written annotations, that is) right in the score - kind of like having hand-written notes and thoughts right where they are needed!

I'll get to those in a minute

You said above:
* The rhythm was too regular, like the bass was trying to tell the rest of the players where the barlines and half beats were so that they would all get their rhythms right.

Yep, you're right. I should have done with the "bass ensemble" part what I did with the timpani - do it, leave it, and go back later. What you state above, though, is actually what a bass player in a rock band (or other pop music) is *supposed* to do - they're kind of the bridge between the more melodic sections and the rhythm section I guess I was just falling into my normal mode with my band at church

* Shifts in the octaves played by the bass happened to much on barlines. Interest can be added by doing things off the beat.

Agreed.

* Too many of the notes were the roots of chords. The bass should be given the opportunity to play the 3rd, 5th, and 7th of chords.

Agreed, again. These are the types of notes that I would have changed
had I done the smart thing and left it alone a few days and come back.

* Passing notes between members of chords can work great in the bass.
An attempt or two at this, however, was not convincing because the passing notes were not passing between convincing harmony notes.

This is definitely one of my weaknesses when entering notes from a keyboard. When I'm playing my bass in-hand, I can do that without thinking. I probably should get my bass in my hands, and then enter the notes that I play when I'm working through the piece. This is part of my frustration with my keyboard (dis)abilities. However, getting the bass in my hands to play through something is probably a good idea that I should follow through on. It's one of those "kinesthetic" things

I'll have to go through your annotations in the piece and see what I can do to address those. And which tuba did you use? I want to hear what you're hearing (although I'm sure I don't hear in my head what you hear in yours ;) ) Perhaps you could enter an alternate "Mark's tuba interpretation" staff above the one I entered to demonstrate how you might make the tuba line more in step (pun intended) with what you're thinking. That could be instructive for those of us following this little saga.

This is really neat - thanks for letting me mess around with it, and for the pointers on how you view composition. Those are helpful items to learn I generally know just enough to be dangerous ;)

You also said:
These are all just my opinions. I wouldn't normally offer this much critique, but I feel more entitled to do this, since we're collaborating on a piece that I originally drafted.

To which I reply:
You bet! I find it all a wonderful learning experience - thanks!

ttfn,
Sherry